that's an acceptable place to lick
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
