I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
