we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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