We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize