Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
