Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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