Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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