No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
