Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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