I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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