sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
