Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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