grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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