I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
