hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
