I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
