shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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