Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
