White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
