Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You're like the curious george of whores
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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