i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
