This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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