you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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