The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
