saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
