Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
