Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
