I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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