She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
