apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
