You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
