i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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