like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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