So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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