hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I didn't notice because vodka
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
