you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
