paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
