first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Send help, water and tortillas.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
