I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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