talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
