Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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