Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
