please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
