I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
