Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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