YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
