I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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