You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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