Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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