I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
