It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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