her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
