Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
