If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
