Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Your cock deserves a montage
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
