the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
