I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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