I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
