I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
