I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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