i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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