when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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