about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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