My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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