Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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