He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
