You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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