Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
