I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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