her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
