OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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