in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
