the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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