So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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